Along with all the other bog standard New Years resolutions I vow to make every year (drink more water, eat more veg, do more squats) I decided that 2018 would be the year I include a resolution I actually stick to. So here it is my all year round resolution is to be more selfish **insert shocked emoji face** I know people usually spend their lives trying to be less selfish so let me fill you in on my thinking.
I spent the first half of 2016 pregnant, which was a shock in itself. I spent 6 months scared, excited, overwhelmed and any other emotion that’s pyshically possible to convey preparing for my life to change forever, and then before I knew it he was here July 4th my independence day baby Max James. From the minute we brought him home from hospital time seemed to speed up. Everyday was a new challenge stumbling through motherhood and all that came with it, the long sleepless nights, the colic, the reflux and the constant questioning of your own ability to keep your tiny human safe and alive. Before I knew it 6 months has passed and all his firsts were here & gone in a blink of an eye, first Halloween, first Christmas, first holiday and somehow without fully realising I had merged into this (almost) confident mother. What came hand in hand with that process was losing myself a little bit, who was I now? Just a mum? When was the last time I done something just for me?
Fast forward a year – Max turns 1, I’ve done it, I’ve managed a full year as a mother to this wonderfully funny & charming little boy. What comes next? Just as I thought “oh yeah I got this motherhood thing down, nothing can stop me” everything changed again, back to work I went and once again life became a challenge. Working part time, juggling childcare, spending quality time with Max, making time for my relationship, making time for my friends (shout out to the ones I take an eternity to text back) I found myself wondering how it was all possible? Another long 6 months of splitting myself between everything and feeling guilt for not always being present 100% of the time with 2018 looming I decided I had to make a change, which brings me to my resolution….
I realised that I was making time for all of the things I mentioned above but I wasn’t making any time for myself, something I think all mums must be guilty of. We spend our days prioritising tasks, splitting up each day into perfect segments so that everything goes smoothly, and by the end of the day we’ve done nothing for ourselves. I know that even the smallest task like sorting odd socks (I spend way too much time moaning about this subject) in my house is higher up on my list than say giving myself a face mask or running myself a bath. When I say selfish I don’t mean something over the top and massively indulgent, for me spending an hour alone in a coffee shop or the gym is where I find my selfish happiness.
As a lazy sunday morning at home turned into a lazy afternoon, I decide to dig out my gym gear and make some time for myself, as I head out the door I hear what I can only assume is a half eaten bowl of coco pops get tossed across the room, I pause for a second thinking “shall I go back in?” just as that thought flashes across my mind Fat joe blares through my speakers “put the f*****g mic on” my trusty 2000s RnB playlist is waiting, my hand still lingering on the door handle and just like that I remember my resolution and think I’m sure they’ll survive without me for an hour.
I hope you mamas out there try and make some time for yourself this weekend and remember who you are alongside being mum. I’m Lauren, I”m addicted to coconut vanilla lattes, I love old school RnB, the odd glass of rose wine, and my guilty pleasure is trashy TV.
Big love, Lauren xx